Smaller Entertainments

[Killer Goldfish]

Perfect for this website:

[Killer Goldfish]

Not a Krazy Kat image, I still consider it a dang fine Smaller Entertainment:

It says, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CAT?  HE IS MAGNIFICENT.  HE ISN'T MISSING; I JUST WANTED YOU TIO GET A LOOK AT HIM.

[Dr. Kobb]

  That is a pretty kitty.  Reminds me of this cat-bit from Liartown:

[Killer Goldfish]

Calamityware crockery:

[Dr. Kobb]

Oh, those are lovely. 

[Dr. Kobb]

I love this person's stuff.  We have what has to be one of THE most brain-damaged local Craigslist "Rants & Raves" subsections in the country.  Most of the rants are almost unintelligible gibberish or garbage parroted from places like Infowars.  Then there's this character.  For years now, they'll share these surreal local news bits.  One might pop up only once in a quarter year or so, but they never fail to make me smile and re-appreciate whimsy for whimsies' sake.

Park Alot Pete
Officer Larry had been on the trail of the Infamous Masked Paraplegic Paul the Piss Bumper Milligan. Reports of Pauls shananigans were at an all time high. Local grocers were irate at his devious ways, spilling bottles of ketchup, bumping into old ladies, or Pauls signature move, relieving himself in the produce department. Several schools around the area had reported a masked man in a wheelchair roaming the halls and ravaging the mop closets, several janitors vowed revenge and roamed schools near and far at the ready. Officer Larry knew it was just a matter of time before Paul took his escapades one step closer to complete and utter insanity. From the looks of it, Larry thought he could possibly be on the trail of a true narcissistic, demented, closeted necrophiliac, psychopath.
In a small rundown building on the outskirts of town, near a railroad yard, with a tattered american flag in the front yard, with one ugly ass goat roaming the primices, in a dimly lit room, with an ashtray overflowing with discarded cigarette butts, sat Paul in his wheeled apparatus. What was he planning? Would the town of Similac Falls exist after Pauls master plan was enacted? Would the orange man in the oval office finally acknowledge him on Twitter? Would the Mormons of the western pridelands settle for just one bride? We would soon find out.
Officer Larry sat patiently waiting for the masked marauder to reveal himself. He was sure that the only store in town left untouched
by Larry's cruel acts of violence would be the one he sat in front on that cold Similac morning. Krinkles Grab & Go was owned by Erma and Ted Krinkle, a small grocery store on the edge of Similac Falls near Highway 281 where the great fiasco of 1892 had taken place. The Krinkles knew it was just a matter of time before they too were the victims of the evil Paraplegic Paul the Piss Bumper Milligan. Erma had insisted her 82 year old husband Ted purchase an AR-15 and take a course or two in gun safety but Ted wasnt having it. He purchased a 44 Magnum with a night scope mounted on top and a taser attachment located underneath. He knew if anyone knew weapons it was his favorite on screen hero Dirty Harry. The couple dug in and stood ready for the fight to come.
Larry dozed off a time or two while he staked out the small grocery store. Each time he awoke Larry would run into the building with his pistol calling for Paul to show his face, and each time the Krinkles would shoo him out of there small little grocery store. Larry was sure Paul would show any minute now, but where was he?
As Larry dozed of again while sitting behind the wheel of his cruiser, in the distance a man sitting on what looked to be an ordinary conferance chair came rolling by.
Larry awoke just in time to catch a glimpse of the man passing through the doors of Krinkles Grab & Go.
Was it the masked Paraplegic Paul?
Should he make his way to the store?
Is Bikini Bottom a real place on the ocean floor?
It was all so puzzling. The man wasnt in a typical wheelchair, but yes he was masked!
He looked comfortable in his chair unlike the reports he'd heard of a fidgety masked man terrorizing the chip aisles of other grocery stores!
The mask this man wore was green and not red like Pauls signature color!
A Pure Conundrum, WWJD ? Just then a shot rang out. Larry hopped from his cruiser and rushed to the doorway. What he saw inside was mass hysteria and carnage the likes no man has ever witnessed. Bottles of mayonaise and ketchup were littered across the floor, three old ladies sat clutching there hips due to some type of chair attack. A puddle of urine sat mid aisle in the produce department. Children were running in every direction and parents were insistent on them to stay calm. It was pure chaos of biblical proportions. Ted and Erma were hunkered down near the cash registers. Every minute or two Ted would blindly fire off a round into the rows of grocery aisles in hopes of taking down the intruder. Larry crept forward knowing the sick, deranged, culprit was at hand. He ducked behind an aisle display of Tom Cordons Spicy Beef Jerky then ran to a can pyramid of Nina Pickles toasted vinegar beans. His pistol drawn he peered over the display but couldnt see Paul anywhere. A couple of the cans poured there acidic flavors out in all directions, the result of some of Teds indiscriminate gun play. Larry's chest was soaked as he took cover behind the meticulous display of can goods, vinegar ran down his belly and into his underwear mingling with his taint sweat. Larry's bullet proof vest was soaked but he knew he must press on. He tried as best he could to climb the can good pyramid to get a better look, but the cans kept slipping beneath him. Then all the sudden he heard something coming from the rear of the building. Near the back of the store where the yogurt and cheese's were kept came a faint little laugh.
Oh the horror! It was almost unbearable. The laughter was maddening! Why would such a psycho be amused at such attrocities? Paul was taunting Larry with that teeny little laugh and it was causing Larry's legs to buckle. Larry knew he had to muster up the last ounce of courage he could and end the madness once and for all. Larry took off, he sprinted as fast as his chubby little body could run (yes, Larry is a little fat, sorry I forgot to mention that). Larry knew the town of Similac Falls would never be safe unless he ended the ordeal now. As Officer Larry rounded the corner of the meat section, he saw Paul in the corner laughing his little school girl laugh. It was now or never! He immediately ran and dove at Paul but hit a wall in front of the villian instead. At Pauls feet rested poor Larry unconscious and still, a little pee dribble showing through his light blue trowsers. Paul tried to escape to the right but officer Larry's feet hampered him from doing so. Then Paul tried to escape to the left but Larry's big ol head sat in his way. It was useless, every path had been cut off.
Larry had done it, he had trapped the madman with his own body.
Paul had to accept defeat!
The psycho bandit sat there trapped wondering what the future held for him.
As the townspeople showed up in droves and the neighboring counties detectives arrived, the infamous Paraplegic Paul the Piss Bumper Milligan was finally apprehended.
In the coming months Officer Larry would receive an award for bravery in the line of duty, and a fifty dollar gift certificate to Krinkles Grab & Go courtesy of Ted and Erma Krinkle. Similac Falls was finally safe and the townspeople could go back to their normal everday lives.

As the story closes, the sound of teeny, pathetic, little schoolgirl laughter can be heard in the distance. I wonder how long until evil again rears its ugly head? I ask again, how long? A year? Three days? Two months? Forty days and forty nights? A century? I cant take it, tell me how long, please for the sake of all mankind! 

[Dr. Kobb]

Here's the only pic I've taken at the convention.  It's the Creature playing a bagpipe to some metal score.  Because why the fuck not?

[Killer Goldfish]

I really want to get to know whoever made this list.

[Killer Goldfish]

Feb 23, 2019 19:45:08 GMT -5 Dr. Kobb said:

Here's the only pic I've taken at the convention.  It's the Creature playing a bagpipe to some metal score.  Because why the fuck not?

I so blogged this.

[Killer Goldfish]

This slayed me:

[Portrait in Flesh]

Mar 2, 2019 15:46:48 GMT -5 Killer Goldfish said:

This slayed me:

"What's with all the holes?"  

[Dr. Kobb]

Feb 27, 2019 18:44:22 GMT -5 Killer Goldfish said:

I really want to get to know whoever made this list.

Are you sure about that?

[Killer Goldfish]

I also want to know the difference between a NICKERS bar and a SICKERS.

[Lemmy Caution]

Mar 6, 2019 10:50:28 GMT -5 Killer Goldfish said:

I also want to know the difference between a NICKERS bar and a SICKERS.

Almojoy's got nuts.
Spumow don't.

Except the Deekster Special Spumow has nuts --because that's how it's supposed to be.

Different strokes for different nutjobs ;)

[Deeky]

I love you guys.

[Dr. Kobb]

I'm honestly not a huge Simpsons fan, but I went ahead and downloaded that old Michael Jackson episode just to have it before it gets sent into the cornfield forever. 

[Killer Goldfish]

I'm Aedeiel the Flesh Eater!!!

[Killer Goldfish]

And then there's this:

[Killer Goldfish]

Good question.

[Marxo Grouch]

Adethor the Last Giants Slayer here.

I glanced up from my desk at the TV just in time to catch the last second of an Air Force ad that ended with a shot of a group of uniformed flypeople standing at attention with the AF logo 'AIM HIGH' emblazoned over them, only, for a second, I thought it said, 'I AM HIGH.'